Every photo I'm in looks nuanced with the time's zeitgeist and whatever personal melodrama I'm partaking in at that very moment. They scream "That's me when I was going through my idealistic political phase!" or "That's me when I was a Real Ho!" or "That's me when I'm feeling really lost and trying to look like I know what the fuck I'm doing!"
Maybe it's because I've never been in the habit of taking pictures or having my picture taken, but I've never been able to take a picture that captures the essence of who I am. I don't know how to look like me. I just know how to be me. And I don't know how to look like I'm being me. Not anymore anyway. Not right now.
All of this makes me feel like I'm really understanding abstract art. How something that doesn't appear similar to their representation can stir emotions and create effects that mimic those of their representation. How something so seemingly contradictory to its meaning can elicit the same ideas as its idea. That's what I need: a picture that represents me. Something visible that somehow shows as many parts of my personality as possible. A photo or painting or sculpture that provides depth and clarity to Me. Then I can post pictures to my heart's desire and not feel strange about calling them "Me".
If I'm really to uncover this physical rendering of myself, maybe I should try something new: collaborate with talented artists, take nude photos, take art classes, etc.? [Anyone have suggestions?]
Till then, I have words.
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2 comments:
I feel the same way about my pics...I just never was able to put it into words!! first visit to you, but so worth it!!!
Thanks! You're welcome to peruse this blog if ya like, but the current blog is over at wordpress. I'd do more with the new blog, but I still haven't figured out how, LOL.
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