Currently craving outlets for my energy...

I've been pontificating a lot these past six months. There was a lot of relative quiet and passivity on my part, and though I did a lot, I didn't really act much on anything...

I confess that I haven't learned how to/if I should/when to let Loud Maria out to play. She hasn't seen the light of day in about two and a half years, when I was with my last great love, Caleb. (Not enough time has passed for me to really know how I feel about the latest serious relationship.) See, Loud Maria is obnoxious and turbulent and volatile. Loud Maria gets into lots of fights. She doesn't hold her tongue. She doesn't philosophize so much as act out her ideas. And if you want an explanation or justification or rationalization out of Loud Maria - well, as the Leaving Brooklyn signs say on the Belt Parkway: "Fuhgeddaboudit".

Loud Maria doesn't care about decorum. Even if she cares about you, she will tell your best friend that she doesn't like her. Then she'll chalk that up to "not everyone can get along" and assume that things will be all right between the two of you.

Loud Maria will not hesitate to metaphorically or literally throw elbows. She does not care what you think of her.

Loud Maria will be a bitch. She will not consider your feelings or your sensitivities or proclivities. She will very well take advantage of your good will. (<--Actually, I've stopped doing this altogether.) She will... She will... Be me.If I can remember how to sum up her parts.

Its like relearning how to do math problems or win at logic games. At first, it seems unbelievable that you once excelled at something so different from what you presently are. Then you remember how you used to be that other person, and the two mesh into a symbiotic whole.