I'm a Woman's Woman

With a continuation...

I never take for granted the lessons I learn from my woman friends, but as I'm thinking about last night - *le sigh* - and the tiff I had with Rob, I'm realizing there are lots of times that I neglect the men in my life.

Often, it's because they're useless. (And by that, I mean that they don't fulfill the roles I need/want them to fulfill.) From my woman friends, I get love, and support, and understanding, and hours upon hours upon hours of no strings attached laughter and crying and venting and craziness.

From my man friends?

For the most part, I get confusion, and sex, and frustration. I'm not trying to sell them short. I'm just sayin'...

When I was younger, I took pride in the fact that most of my friends were men. I thought it showed that I wasn't the typical girlie girl, and that I could hold my own, and that I was gangsta or some such nonsense. Also, I used this manliness to mean that I was a catch; I could relate to men in ways that other women could never do, and I damn sure as hell looked like a woman "should."

I've still retained some of that logical, no BS, straight-to-the-point, "fuck you - I'm The Man" mentality. That'll never go away. But as I've gotten older, I've forged friendships with women that will likewise never go away. These women have taught me how to love and laugh and live. They've helped me embrace the feminine sides of me. They've taught me what it is to have a true support system, one that I can count on no matter what happens in my life or theirs. And while men come and go, it's my female friends (mostly), who remain by my side.

Of course there are a few exceptions to this rule. DDS, BGF, Black Jew, B and Will certainly spring to mind; they're the guys I can always count on for level-minded insight into life.

But with every other man, there's a sexual tension that complicates our relationship. We can't talk about anything without flirting, or alluding to a sweaty incident from years ago, or wanting to fuck like rabbits on meth.

I think what it boils down to is trust. I am more willing and able to trust a woman. Even if that woman is sexually/romantically interested in me (and I might be sexually/romantically interested in her). Even if that woman is a stranger. Even if that woman is prettier, hotter, more sophisticated, has more money than me; or vice verce. The odds are simply higher that I trust her over the average man.

I'm not sure what this all means, but I'd like to even that out. I'd rather be a true People Person than a real Woman's Woman.


Virginia (Gina) calls and asks about this post, and we start talking about my argument last night with Rob, and how he keeps on inserting himself into my life, and how it's easier for me to trust women than men.

In the middle of talking to Gina, Texti texts comments about this post and I find myself interrupting Gina (which is perfectly fine by she and I!) to delve more deeply into my feelings about guy friends. I've just finished telling Gina what I'm texting to Texti, and the more I repeat it, the more real and true it sounds: I think the sexual tension between myself and my male friends is caused by the fact that we don't know how else to translate our feelings for each other.

Gina laughs in agreement as she remembers the relationships I had down south. "Somehow," she says, "you just know how to tap into people... and with women, that's so appreciated, and we reciprocate by being your shoulder to cry on and all that."

I remind her of the time, when I was 16, when I couldn't find a black dress to wear to a masquerade ball, and I freaked out. It was the same day that my then-boyfriend and my father both confessed that they had illegitimate children - and somehow, even though I stoically dealt with their news, not having a dress to wear to a Sweet 16 brought me to tears. Gina had to drive me to the mall (I didn't have a car back then) and buy me the only black gown available in August: it looked like a reject from a high school production of Swan Lake.

"We [women] have these ill ass moments," Gina continues, "when we know each other and there's an unspoken bond between us... But with men- I dunno. It's trickier to have those moments, and so easy for those moments to translate into romance or sex."

And now I'm listening to Ben Harper while waiting for the laundry machine to be done washing, and Gina's on the phone, feeding me stuff to type on here.

"Besides," she laughs as I tell her what I'm typing, "back then, you were like Hugh Hefner in Jessica Rabbit's body. You related better to men because you thought like one. You probably trust women more now because you've learned to relate better to them... You're not as competitive. You don't keep frienemies. You've developed a crazy level of confidence. All of that makes you a threat to men, in a way..."

The laundry's done washing and Ben Harper's played out. I'm running late to meet an acquaintance for a walk in the park... I think I'll continue this talk (which is veering toward the subject of feminism), and have him wait for me...

Thank God for good friends and cell phones...